You guys already know the issues between DH and me. We have been talking more which is good. We had a good long clearing of the air session last night and are trying to work things through and understand where each of us is coming from. He was upset that I was hiding purchases and not being honest with him and breaking promises that I had made to stop shopping. I've apologized for all of that and tried to explain how I felt and why I was doing it--I felt like I had to hide my shopping and YLF participation from him because of his negative reaction to it, which just created a vicious cycle of disapproval and dishonesty.
So, I've basically stopped buying new stuff (except for the Kate Spade dress with my consignment/rebate money, which DH said was OK), and limiting my time spent here to 15 min a day (so I'm sorry for not posting everyone else's threads as much!). I proposed that we could each a "personal/hobby budget" for his diving/camera equipment, my clothes, etc. and he was open to that, although we didn't discuss how much or when it would start--originally I had proposed to SYC for 3 months.
I know I made some mistakes and I do understand why he is upset and that he has every right to be and I'm trying to change. I'm just sad that we see things so differently. He told me he is scared that I'm acting like a crazy drug addict and that I'm out of control. That my posting on YLF is pure vanity and that I'm seeking compliments like a drug addict seeks "hits". That I would go into physical withdrawal and wouldn't be able to stop shopping or coming here even if I tried. He said that when he felt like he was playing video games too much, he just quit cold turkey for 6 months but he's worried I wouldn't be able to do the same. And I said, "Well I've been cutting way back and I don't think I need to quit altogether because I don't think it's a problem." And he said, "See, that's just what an smoker or alcoholic or drug addict says!" OK, touche!
But the thing is, I really don't think I'm an addict and I really don't think it's the same level as being a druggie! Yes, there is potential for similarities, and I probably was investing more time and money into this before than was necessary. But OK, I still work full time, still take care of the kids, we make enough money to cover all our expenses, and we can definitely afford what I spent on clothes. I'm not doing anything illegal, I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs, and don't even drink coffee. I don't have any other hobbies, it makes me happy and is my only creative outlet. So while I understand where he is coming from with the way I acted before, I just wish he wouldn't see my "hobby" in such a negative light. Where do you draw the line between addiction vs. amusement, vanity vs. self-confidence, and is YLF a vice or a hobby? He says he has been supportive overall, was the one who told me to revamp my wardrobe, went with me and bought me Anne Fontaine shirts and a trench coat at White House Black Market, etc. etc. But he said, "After the way you've acted, don't expect me to be all supportive and warm and fuzzy about your YLF activities." He said he isn't expecting me or asking me to quit YLF altogether. He said he just wants me to control myself and is OK with what I'm proposing as long as I stick with it.
But I'm sad that he thinks I'm an addict! Am I really? I don't know--a lot of you ladies shop and are on YLF a lot, as much as me or sometimes more. Do you or your husbands consider yourselves addicts too? I feel kind of vulnerable posting so much about my problems, wondering what you guys must think of me, but I still do value your support and perspective. And, DH is a good husband and father, and I am not trying to make him out to be some sort of controlling villain. We just don't see eye to eye on this issue. Please don't think badly of him or attack him!
